thank you! :)

Thank you to the lovely people who left me some lovely messages after my last post.

DH and I aren't in the best spot. Haven't been for awhile. He wasn't happy with me fat, and looks like not happy with me thinner either. Maybe it truly is the personality he doesn't like? I say that with a smile...because I can't and wont change that!

After your replies I started thinking...when did I last compliment him? bloody all the time. When do I show him love? Daily.
Always through the little things, and pretty much through the bloody obvious as well. I am affectionate. I like to cuddle. I like to talk (that is stating the bloody obvious!) and I like to tell people how I feel. WHY? because I like the same in return. I like to be cuddled, to be talked to, and for people to share their feelings. I gave up a while ago saying "I love you" because i was sick of never hearing it back. I found that I was turning into a miserable old cow as I was changing who I was...deliberately not giving affection and love because I resented never receiving it return. I started to get really down and didn't like me. So I just said to myself... "be you, no matter...just be you" so I was me again...affectionate, talkative and I lifted.

He isn't a hugely affectionate person to start with (I am sure being Dutch has EVERYTHING to do with it), his family aren't affectionate, but a compliment, once, would be nice.

But I don't want to harp on that!

I have struggled this weekend with chocolate. Most of you know I don't have chocolate in the house as i know I can't stop. so yes, easter comes, chocolate in the house, and i can't stop. normal easter eggs are fine, i can resist as they are crap chocolate...but this is good stuff. Looks my 2 year old DD will have the same chocolate gene as me. she puts an egg in her mouth and mumbles "more" before the first chew.

Even when i got to my points, i continued with my eating. nothing good. my exercise suffered, i persevered but my god did i find it hard and i suffered. i was so lethargic. i really shouldn't eat chocolate!

But i did exercise, even when the going got tough, i pushed on.
And thank goodness.
I had the best loss. 300g!
I know, many of you will be thinking..."that is a great loss?"
Yes.
a. It is a loss.
b. It was not a gain.
c. If you knew the amount of mini eggs I ate, you would think 50g loss was outstanding!
d. I have lost exactly 19kg, which means 1kg until 20kg down!
e. I am still in the 80s and cemented there now! :) Or at least until the 70s come along!

2kg loss would be lovely. Realistically, 2kg losses week in week out aren't going to happen, and isn't healthy. slow. slow is fine. I am so happy with anything. I know I deserve a loss because I do put in the hard exercise work. and a loss is always a loss. I have no race to win. I just have a goal to get to in the future. How soon that future is...well, keep up the hard work and I will get there. That is what is important.

And with that, I will take all the compliments from friends, family and strangers...I will smile and be happy, say thank you. I will continue to improve my confidence. My self esteem will continue to soar.
I am becoming the best me...I will continue to do it.
for those (or one) who can't see that I need ME, MYSELF AND I to do that, then maybe, what you deserve will come to you too.
 I know there is more then ME, MYSELF AND I helping me along my way, and I take that, love that and appreciate that.
The people who aren't with me....you won't stop me. Your negativity will not make me lose focus permanently. It may put a dent in me every now and then...but i can work on those dents.

I am in this for life. Making my life last longer, making my life the best life. That is of utmost importance to me.

Rambling ends! :)