City to surf pic

Perth City to Surf 12km

Me in my size 12 lycras! :)

Before the city to surf

I don't have any pics from after the event...I already had my phone down my bra, couldn't fit anything else in! :) 

I wish I had more photos, but I am so not used to having my photo taken, I forget about doing it!!!

Perth City to Surf 12k

Well, the Perth City to Surf 2010 12km run was on today, and yes, with 40,000 other people, I went down to the Perth foreshore to start the race!

My plan of attack:
-Run 5km, walk 100m, run 4km, walk 200m, run 3km (just under) to the finish line.
-Run in the middle of the road, where the dotted lines are as there isn't a slope like there is at the edge of the road. Hopefully this will help prevent soreness!
-Enjoy the moment and be proud. Look where I was last year!!!

So...this is what I actually did.
-Ran in the middle of the road, away from any slopes and minimised soreness, however my knee is still sore, along with the heal but I kinda think because they aren't 100% this was going to be worse .
-I loved the whole moment! Well, hills blah...but it was great! They do need to do a lot better in the organisation of things however...A "C" runner is supposed to start 15 minutes before the walkers...but many walkers started with the As. And prams were supposed to be the last to start, yet at the starting line for the C group, i was surrounded by prams!
-I RAN 12KM STRAIGHT!
Can you believe that?

So where was I same time last year?
-108kg
-Attempting to run, could run 100m.
-Prior to the funrun, I Injured my calf in one of my 100m runs, also battered my ankle. Can no longer run 100m.
-I was wearing size 20 track pants and a mans XL shirt, to cover the fact that my track pants were too tight!
-I was wearing 20E bra, with a crop top on top and I had lots of fat rolls because the bra was too small!
-I chaffed. OMG did I chaff. In every single spot you could chaff, I chaffed! Eczema flared up during the run as well, and last for weeks!
-Severely asthmatic

TODAY
-I can run 12km straight.
-I wore size 12 lycra type pants which fit!
-My top was a size 16 because I purchased it a while back and it is my event shirt for step into life. It is incredibly big! I need a size 12 now.
-I wore a size 16DD bra. ONE!
-Soreness, but NO INJURIES. Soreness is due to Jacob's Ladder on Wednesday AND my weak bum!
-Absolutely NO CHAFFING! not in between the legs,  not under my arms where the "nanna's hangers" rub, not where the bra meets (i got a new bra last night, OMG it is just heaven! I had not bounce whatsoever and the rubbing that always happens at the wires and in the middle, wasn't there! WOW!)
-no eczma (i haven't had it all year!)
-I forgot my asthma medication to take with me. Didn't need it once on the run anyway! :)

So all that would explain why i enjoyed the moment! The finish line was awesome to cross!

Photos to come, official time to come too. I think I came in around 1hr 30mins which is what i wanted!

We bought a camera too...so I will post photo updates soon!
And...DH had graduation last night...I had my new purple dress on, and as we left the hotel he said "you look really nice in that dress". Is that a compliment I hear? But there is more...after a wine at a pub, I felt really quite bloated. I said, "oh dear, this dress isn't very good when you eat/drink the wrong thing" he said "What do you mean?" I said "Well, it shows the belly bulge of the bloating" he replied "But you don't have a belly anymore, so there can't be a bulge!"
OMG! What has happened to my husband?! Photo of the dress to come too! :)

I saw the number!

I had Weigh In today. 80.2kg. A drop of 400g! whoop whoop!
Very very happy.
The weigher was new, but not a new weigher, just new to our team.
She said "Oh you are so close to breaking it, never mind!"

Never mind what?
I lost 400g! Whoop whoop!
I will get into the 70s next week, or the week after. This week I lost!
YIPPEE!

I deserved to lose. I have stuck to the program again. But it is so hard now...but that is ok. Look at all my successes these past 4 days. So to actually have another success of losing...YIPPEE!!!!

So then played netball, lost (had an injury of our fill in in the first minute of the game!) and came home, and weighed. Why? Because I wanted to see if i could see the number.

And yes...79.8.
I saw a 7 on the scales when i was on them! I have not seen a 7 as the first number since year 10. When I was 14. 20 years ago! My scales are also 400g HEAVIER then WW. So i say i am 79.4kg. not an official weigh in weight, but i don't care! I saw the 70s!
I started at 107.7...plenty of 7s! But damn that 1 at the front!
But now...i have a 7! Only just, and it is sure to fluctuate many times over the next week. but i saw a 7. it was a glimpse! it was there! it was mine!
70s!
Me! Kylie! 70s!

Well, i can't say miracles happen...this isn't a miracle. miracles just happen. I have worked my arse off for this. that isn't a miracle. This is determination. This is perseverance.  This is ME! A loser???!!! LOL yep! a loser!

Shopping at Harbour Town

DH and I went to Harbour Town in the city today. It is the discount place to shop over here in WA. It isn't very big, and normally I buy sports shoes cos I don't fit into anything else.
But not today.

Today, DH got lots!
And I tried lots too...and got a few things.

Firstly...some sweat bands for my wrists...i need to wipe all the hard work sweat off when I run :)
Running socks. Hopefully they will make me run faster...isn't that why they are running socks?
2 x SIZE 12 New Balance sports tops, for $10 each! BARGAIN! And size 12! How did my boobs ever get into them???

And the BIG ONE! I went to Jeans West to try jeans. After buying size 12 at Target, I thought it would be interesting to see what size I was in the smaller shops. So I picked up the size 14 and 16 jeans to take in to try. I put the 14s on and PERFECT! Great length, great waist comfort, not too low rise (i hate seeing knickers hanging out over jeans!) and just PERFECT so didn't try the 16s. $29.95 too, so bargain, and bought them.

Normal shop, normal size...and still a 14! Over the moon!

Then I got home and retried, as you do. Had a look at the tag...and they aren't a normal size 14.
They are a GIRL'S 14! OMG I am wearing a pair of girls size 14 jeans! I don't think I ever wore a girls size 14 jeans when I was a girl! I only ever remember being a size 14 ladies or higher. And mainly higher! In highschool, size 14 to 16 adult. Primary school, size 14 adult. I had to get highschool skirts for primary school as the junior skirts didn't fit.
Yet now, in my mid 30s, I am fitting into girls clothes...for the FIRST TIME EVER!
WOW!

I also went into a bra shop and got fitted. I have certainly gone down in size A LOT! The lady asked me what size I am now...and had to inform her I have NO idea as my bra's are all too big, except for ones that are 10 years old and i cut the tags off! Why are they 10 years old? Well, i used to have lots of lingerie...I loved it! But I seemed to grow really quickly, so would wear bras for a few months and then need larger size. so whilst 10 years old, not all that worn! Anyway, she asked what size I used to be...and she was in shock! She said that my skin looks amazing for that weight loss, and my youth obviously helps! She thought I was in my 20s! How gorgeous! Unfortunately, all the cheap bras were only in small sizes, so no bras for me today...but I am a size 14 girls jeans! WHOOP WHOOP!

Weigh in is tomorrow, and from the looks of the scales I could have a slight gain. And I don't care still. I haven't done anything wrong...my body is just adjusting to the new weight I am in, and it will just maintain the current weight for a bit until it goes down again. I don't care because my fitness test says I am fit. My clothes size says I am thin. People are saying I am thin. I feel thin! I am not sure if I like what I see in the mirror, all the flabby bits still exist, but just smaller flabby bits. But these smaller flabby bits are a lot more likable then the bigger flabby bits! :)

Fitness Test

Every 2 months Step Into Life run a fitness test.
It is great as you can see your improvements on a regular basis.
So today was the fitness test.

                                                    June                             August
3km run                                     17mins:14secs                16:45
20m Shuttle runs (90secs)               16                             17
Push ups (toe)                                 50                             55
Sit ups                                            69                              64 (what happened?)
Squats                                    5kg:   79                            6kg: 76
Shoulder press                        3kg:   89                           4kg:  67
Plank                                          2:20                               2:30

I did less in the squats and shoulder press, but I also went up in weight. I wasn't too far off either, so not complaining about those results at all!
So the only one I went down in: sit ups. I don't know how that happened, but i have noticed the past few times i have gone for a run, I have been a little sore in my lower abs, like the muscles from having a baby aren't holding up! Or maybe, I am more conscious of holding those abs when I run, whereas before they just "hung out"!

I am over the moon with my run of 16mins 45 secs. i think next time I might be moved up to the 4km run. I was the very first person in too. There is a 2km, 3km and 4km run. So i beat all the 2km people, and the rest of the 3km people! WOO HOO! Now, in saying that, I think there was only 1 2km person and it was his first session with Step Into Life! But there were probably about 6 in the 3km section. Not that it is a race against others, just against our own personal time...but that has NEVER happened to me before...me...FIRST! And I wanted under 17mins...and got there!
So very very happy!

Another happy note! Target has $20 jeans and since my others fall down, I thought I would go buy a new pair. Size 12!!! I cannot believe I have a pair of size 12 jeans. I have a little overhang of the belly rolls, but not a lot! I know target are bigger then levi's or other such brands, but still....size 12! I never used to wear jeans at all because I just looked horrid in them, at size 20!

So a happy weekend for me! :)

What Did That Jolt Do???

It made me lose weight, that is what it did!
Whoop Whoop!!!

I am back to share the news! And yes I lost that 200g I wanted to lose.
But that isn't all!

I lost
1.1kg

Whoop whoop!!! :)

I am obviously pretty happy! I haven't had a big loss like that in a long time. Well, I gained 1.1kg a few weeks ago and then lost that 1.1kg the following week, but I don't see that as a loss. It is just making up for lost ground! This is a true loss of 1kg. A genuine loss.

Finally broke the 81.6kg. I feel like i have been there and back so many times! With all the ups and downs over the past few months I think I worked out that in 10 weeks I have lost 2kg! That includes tonights loss! So a STS or gain would have really gutted me. But I wouldn't have given up. That is not me. Just would have come on here and whinged again!

I am now at 80.6kg. And, after netball and shower, i jumped on my scales just to make sure I wasn't dreaming...and it said 80.1kg...my scales are 400g heavier then WW scales...so does that make me 79.7??? LOL

I know I still have to lose next week again to really confirm the loss, but hopefully that barrier has been at least pushed aside, but prefer broken and I will lose at least 100g!

So what does this 1.1kg accomplish?
LOTS!

• 25% of my body weight is gone! YAY!
• I have 700g to lose to get into the 70s! YAY!
• I have 3.6kg to get to goal! YAY!
• I was chosen to play Centre tonight because I was the fastest! I was then moved to GA because I was the only who could lead off the centre pass! OK, that has nothing to do with weight loss, but while I am on a high...I will take that brag too!
• A sense of relief, excitement to get closer to the 70s and a positive attitude. That is a hard one actually, because I am always positive in what I am doing and thinking. If I didn't think that what I was doing was going to help me lose weight, I wouldn't do it, so I do feel that my attitude is positive. But I was feeling deflated in the up down process of it all...but again, I need that over analysis of things to get my head right, or onto a new way of thinking. A change in thinking, that is what it has brought me!

but from that up and down plateau I now figure that I maintained that weight for about 2 months, so surely that means I can indeed maintain. So when I get to goal weight, yes it will be hard, but I know I can achieve! :)

So happy happy happy on my side of the world...hope everyone else is doing well and WI gives good, no GREAT results! :)

Tonight!

Weigh in is tonight. At the moment...I am under last weeks weight, JUST. But I have discovered that I can fluctuate in weight up to 3kg in a day!
So crossing fingers that I come under. I would like a 200g loss...going big this week LOL. This would take off the 100g gain from last week, and, give me a 100g loss for this week!

Exercise on the weekend.
Got up nice and early on Saturday to go to kickboxing class. Last time I did kickboxing I got dizzy again. So a little bit nervous about going, but I wanted a really good cardio workout. I was partnered up with a girl who is a bit of a girly girl (sorry girls out there, but in kickboxing, you gotta punch!). I actually thought this would be good because I knew I didn't want to push myself too hard and I would come down a little bit closer to her level.

Well, "miss competitive" (LOL, Deb, you remembered!) can't not push herself. So I went gun ho as per normal. The girly girl actually punches now. She can actually put a fair bit of weight into her punch, not bad for someone who weighs about 50kg! She is a tiny thing! So if she can punch, she can take my punches and kicks. Of course we do have the pads so i wasn't actually kicking and punching her directly!!!
We did a lot of running, and I actually wanted to go faster, but the group was too big and too hard to get around. But I punched hard and fast, I ran fast, I did everything, I got my heart rate up to 190 and I didn't get dizzy!

Unfortunately Sunday morning I woke up with a really sore neck. I slept on it wrong...bloody sleep, more injuries from sleep then sport! so I didn't do any exercise yesterday, however I really managed my food.

I made the WW magazine Rice noodle and chilli jam, but I altered it. I used Tom Yum paste instead of chilli jam, added more vegetables in it including brocolli, and I also added chicken as the tofu was hot and there is noway DD is eating too hot a food. I took her food out before adding the tofu. We all LOVED it! It was so nice. In the magazine it was 3 points per serve, but with the chicken it came to 5 points.
so strongly recommend that dish to cook! Lucky me I have left overs for lunch!

So that is it.
Lets hope for a loss tonight! :) I have done the program so I should have a loss!

J's Ladder defeated...5 times!

Thank you all to your supportive replies.

I know I have to stay positive, I will break the barrier, it is just sooooo frustrating! It really is bothering me. It doesn't stop me being proud of my achievements to date, and I look fit and healthy and little bit sexy (hehehe) so of course I am happy. And I know I am now a happy person. But I want that goal!

Jacob's Ladder.

(Same pic for those who didn't see it last time)

What can I say.
IT IS HARD! REALLY HARD!
I walked the first one down and up. I jogged the second one down and half way up. OUCH! My legs were going to die.
I then walked the third and that was the hardest of all.
I had a goal of 5, and I continued to that magical number. Surprisingly, the 5th was the easiest. I was tempted to do a 6th, but it was late, and i knew if i did 6 this time, next time i was required to do 7!

What did I learn?
-That I am not as fit as I thought I was!
-That there are some really freaky people out there. OMG are they fit! They can run up and down up and down skipping 2 or 3 steps at a time...FREAKS!
-That my child is nowhere near as disciplined as others. there was a 3 year old "doing it" with her father, he was one of the freaky ones, and she did it slow and steady by herself. waited at the bottom for him and i couldnt stop thinking that my child would have ran...and not up and down the ladder, but AWAY! Thankfully the girl only did 1 and 1/2 laps, i would have been embarrassed to be beaten by a toddler!
-Good shoes are worth every cent!
-DOMS suck! Delayed Onset of Muscle Soreness. It happens 24 - 48 hours after exercise. So I woke up today with the tightest, sorest calf muscles. OUCH!

I also had a big shock yesterday! Jumped on scales, to see 85.1kg! OMG! just as i jolt my body with the ladder, and I have stuck to the plan the past few days, my weight goes up that much?! I just about cried.

This morning I had to see if I was still there, but back to 81.6kg. PHEW! How much can your body change???
And the reason...TTOM. Hit me this morning so had a lot of excess bloating the past 2 days. Thank goodness! I was scared! REALLY scared! to go up that much and stay there, i think that would have ended it for me!

Anyway, enough...I did Jacob's Ladder. Now for the 6x return! :)

Natural body weight?

I shouldn't be bummed about a mere 100g gain. But it got me thinking...

I remember reading somewhere, researchers/experts/nutritionist whoever it was, saying that each of us has an ideal weight. A weight our body is just naturally supposed to be. When you try to go below this weight, it is hard to stay below, hard to maintain and requires too much work to stay there. Your body wants to go back to its natural weight and will get back there.
What is that weight? How do you know what that weight is? Would this natural weight be in your healthy BMI?

I haven't weighed this weight for an incredibly long time. I stopped weighing myself when I was in year 10, health. We had to weigh ourselves...no...other people had to weigh you. How f'n horrible for someone who knows they are overweight. To have someone else weigh you, and call it out to the recorder and of course EVERYONE can hear! From memory, in year 10 1990- 14 years old, I weighed high 70s.

14 years later, I had to be weighed again, I went in to see the anesthetist for my knee reconstruction. I cried when I saw 110kg. He sympathised with me. He reassured me that when you do your knee, you CAN'T exercise so of course you are going to put on weight. You can't control it. I did my knee in 2000, well partially...I tore it. Then in 2002 I ripped it apart. No sport, no exercise possible. But come on: I was always fat. I was fat before my injury, I was fat before my year 10 weigh in. Infact I was always obese.

004= knee reconstruction. Immediately after, my weight went higher. I think around 115kg. i never weighed myself. I joined the gym to help with my recovery. over 18 months of just focusing on exercising, i got down to about 95kg. That was the smallest i had been since maybe 1998. That was the smallest my husband had ever seen me. We got married in 2004, so he only knew me 100kg+.
Then I quit the gym as we moved house and got a bigger mortgage, and then fell pregnant. I was 101kg when I first weighed in at 10weeks pregnant.
That was in 2007.
Child born, I weighed 104kg.
yes only 3kg put on during my pregnancy...one good thing about vomiting for 39weeks!

Started WW November 2009, weighing 107.7kg. The first time I had weighed since giving birth.

The first 20kg really flew off. They were easy to lose.
I know everyone struggles as they get closer to goal so I shouldn't see myself as being the only one who is going through this. But most people have a goal weight that is in their Healthy BMI. WW sets it in there.
My leader set mine above my healthy BMI. 77 kg. BMI approx 27. I should have a goal weight of 72kg to get me to healthy.

but I am struggling 10kg out from HEALTHY BMI, that is NOT close to goal! Is it possible my natural body weight is meant to be overweight?
My dr once told me that I should aim to get to 72kg. But I will be happy somewhere between 72 - 85kg. That is a massive difference.
But is he right? Is 81/82 my happy zone? My natural zone?
Not being smaller then this, I just don't know.
I would like to think not...but...can you fight what your body wants?
What if 77kg is unattainable, yet i am wanting 72kg?

How do you know your natural body weight?
And how do I jolt my body to just bloody lose this weight! I would so dearly love to get to the 70s. or even to my 25% (80.7kg). It would be so nice!
I know I am sick of the up/down results I keep getting each week. I would happily take 100g LOSS each week. But i am up one week, down one week, up, down, up, down...i would prefer small losses to anything else!

I am sure if there were answers, we would all be at goal weight! so i guess this is more rhetorical then anything!

But, for now while my questions go unanswered...I have made a promise to myself that tomorrow I am leaving work at 4pm to go to Jacob's Ladder in Perth. It is my first go at it, and I want to do 5 sets. It is 43 m long, with just under 300 steps. 

Jacob's Ladder: Kings Park Perth

300 steps up, 300 steps down...5 x...just like my weight...hopefully that will jolt the body...i can take it as punishment for my up/down journey the past 4 months...and because I never want to do that again, I will do everything to stay off that ladder which means LOSE LOSE LOSE! or i see it as a training session for the city to surf, and i am doing it because of training, not to impact on my weight loss. Therefore I must put my heart and soul into the plan, doing the program, living the program, but I do feel I do that mostly!
aaargh...the mostly kills it doesn't it?!

Thanks for the PHOTO Deb!

WOW! A huge thank you to Deb (diminishingdebbie.blogspot.com/) for sending me the photo of us together when she came to Perth.

This was only 2 weeks ago, and it was when I had lost 26.1kg - 4.6kg from goal.

I LOVE the photo! I have tried to post on your blog Deb, but of course, it STILL won't let me!
I just look at it, and I cannot believe it is me! I look at that  compared with the one of me in Bali...and my boobs are shrinking which is a GREAT thing!! I have a strong jaw line, i have a lovely neck and collar bone. Even though I have sleeves on, you can see that my arms have reduced, particularly from the photo of my friend and I in 2008 when I weighed around 105kg.

What a difference! I actually think I look pretty. I think I look attractive!

Even my hair! To me, you can tell that I actually care and take pride in my appearance now. I do take the time to straighten my hair, put on make up and wear nice clothes (that I can now fit into of course!). But I really want to look nice because I FEEL nice!

This of course is wonderful! I don't know if seeing such a lovely photo of me is going to help me get over this mindset of being happy and comfortable at where I am!

On the strange side...I lost 1.1kg tonight. The exact amount I gained last week. I am normally never a week behind with my weight loss. If I eat crap, I pay for it that week. So last week I was great, and gain. This week I ate crap, and I lose. Go figure!
But...I am now weighing less then my aunty who I have always thought of as thin and my hot aunt! She has put on weight, and is going to a WW meeting on thursday to do something about it, but she doesn't look big! So I am skinnier then someone I have always admired! That is nice. And because I am only just smaller...I am hoping that maybe I will see this as a bit of a competition. I am a competitive person, and I do compare myself to others. I think we all do, whether we like to admit it or not! so having her at pretty much the same as me, may just motivate me to keep going...I don't like to be beaten after all! I know a lot of you will tut tut that attitude. But well, competition might work for me! It has in other aspects of my life, so why not with weight loss? We can push each other!

Once again, BIG thanks DEB for the awesome photo! Look how happy we both are! We are happy with ourselves!

bad week

When you have a gain, and a big one...you should do everything in your power to get rid of that gain and then some right? Well, you would think so!

I gained 1.1kg last Monday. That was MORE gained, then I had lost in 2 weeks.
So I started off full of determination to lose it. To lose 1.5kg. That was my goal.

So then what happened?

We had pizza Wednesday night. Can't remember Thursday. Friday? I did track, so I could find out, but I don't want to...it is a bit sad! Saturday I was going really well. Had my cousins over and they are bad eaters so we were doing hotdogs. Not me...i was having a steak sandwich with egg and salad. It would take me to 21 points, and i have 23 points allocated.
So all should be good!
But the steak sandwich was soooo good. so i had 2. And the second one wasn't on wholegrain thinly sliced toasted bread. No it was on a large WHITE roll. I never eat white bread! Even before WW...I hate it! But it was good last night.
Then, icecream. I don't eat icecream often. DD and DH have it, but they eat in the kitchen and I stay in the lounge. I don't see it, smell it, need it if it is not near me.
but yesterday...they ate in the lounge. I had to have some. I did. Thankfully, it was the light cadburys stuff. 0.5 points per serve. The serving size wasn't measured. So how many points??

then today...new day, my running day. still had the cousins over so was waiting for their mum to come get them. Of course, that didn't happen until late and they left after 12. Lunch: left over sausages and bun (i did so good yesterday not to have it...then what?)
DH had to go help his mum move all his grandma's stuff out of her house (moved into a home) so then he left and I can't take DD running! Then my sister came over and she left at 5.30. I had to clean up a whole heap of stuff as I had gone through all DDs baby stuff to give to my sister. So it was after 6pm, and dinner? We eat at 6! We were all starving, had to go to shops to get some vegetables...too hard and wouldn't be eating until after 7!
So what did we have???
Chicken treat...chicken and chips. 17 points in one meal!
Another day over!

So when is weigh in?  Tomorrow.
1.1kg gone? NOWAY! Will i get a loss? Not at this rate!
I did express that I would be going for a run in the morning, to counteract the chicken treat. but i fear my lack of care this week...has wounded the scales big time!

I think my lack of care has come from 2 things

ONE: when I tried really hard and stayed on track, I gained 1.1kg. So if I am going to gain anyway, I may as well eat the stuff that will make a gain worth it.
Sad really. Really sad.

TWO: I feel and look good (with clothes on I must stress) at my current weight. I am complacent because I feel comfortable and happy. I fit into size 12 or size 14. And I get a lot of compliments. I even got one from a student on friday: "Mrs V...I just wanted to tell you, that you are looking good. Really good. I just thought you should know that you look GOOD!" Wow! What 12 year old boy says that, without a snicker? He was being sincere. You can tell with that age! It was great. Then a parent said almost the same thing. On Wednesday two of my ex students came for a visit, and they commented on how good I looked. My old principal didn't recognise me when I went to visit the staffroom. 20 minutes he stared at me, wondering who it was. Then, in the middle of a speech, he called out across the room "Oh my god, it's Kylie. WOW! You look....WOW" Why lose more weight when you hear that? Feel like that? What is the incentive? I know: my health. but i am healthy - results are there. I am fit. I can't use that for my motivation anymore. Even though I am still overweight, I don't have diabetes and I am not at risk. Asthma is very limited and only struggling when I run due to the coldness. I don't have eczema anymore. Blood pressure normal. Cholesterol normal. Very low risk of heart disease. I am the fittest person I know, outside of my training group, and even with them...I am right up there for fitness. My only health issue is my thyroid problem, and that is a reason why I gain weight, not because of my weight!

Rewards aren't working as motivation either. I would love to get to Melbourne, my goal reward...but even that...just isn't working.
I am doing a challenge on the WW forum. I am not motivated. I post in, I see my loss, I see my gain...big deal. I am not challenged!

I just don't know. Anyone got an idea of what I can do to get me wanting to get into the 70s? The obvious isn't there...so I need something more! What is going to wake me up? Being fat isn't waking me up! I do want to get to goal. But I am happy not at goal.

Sad really.  Really sad! :(