F'n F'n F'n F'n!!!!!!
600g gain. BuggerBuggerBugger!
Expletives everywhere!
So where did I go wrong this time???
At the moment I am on a...eat what i want, track everything...but eat what i want. If I gain, I will work my butt off and lose it, and then some, the week after. And I do. It has worked. Then the next week comes, and I relax again, then think...oh I can eat what ever I want, so long as I track and stay to my points, or at least only 2 points over because I will exercise those extra points and therefor going over a few points isn't too bad.
It is just a terrible cycle I am in.
Many things are wrong with this:
1. Why should I work my butt off just to ruin all the hard work the following week? And that hard work is just not sustainable...or I would do it each week because I lose weight! And I lose a good amount of weight ... I would be at goal already I think if I lost those numbers EVERY WEEK!
2. A gain should kick me into my gear and get me back on track. A great loss should keep me on track. What is wrong with my head??
3. I track DAILY ALL THE TIME, I stay in points (i am on 23, and this week my highest was 25 points) and I exercise...those of you who have followed me for awhile, KNOW how much exercise. So I make up those 2 points LIKE THAT! So why isn't it counteracting???
HMMMM....let me think...
How many points are in a Caramello Koala? I should know because I had one on Saturday AND Sunday. I track so I would have written the points down. hmmm...or did I?
When I only have 1/2 a point left (I write my points down either the night before or in the morning, for what I am eating for the day, so then I know what I have spare) I miraculously have a coffee worth...only 0.5, or that piece of chicken that I had that was 5 points, becomes 4 points so that I can have a 1 point treat. The chicken doesn't change...just the points value I allocated it.
In other words:
I CHEAT!
I never used to cheat. Prior to my recent bout of gain/lose/gain/lose etc...i had only 2 gains in 25 weeks. Why not more? Because I didn't cheat. I followed the program. The two times I gained, I drank my points value in one day. Of course I would gain!
I don't drink now...but I CHEAT!
So what am I going to learn?
DON'T CHEAT!
Stop buying those damn koala things, or at least find out the points and add them to my tracker, honestly!
I need to think about what is going to be physically and mentally possible to maintain when I am at goal. I need to do that NOW. Not when I am at goal. Or when I put 10kg on after I get to goal. I must do it NOW. i might drop down to under 500g loss each week...but who cares?! I would be losing and losing weekly...and I could manage it.
so I pulled out my satisfaction book which has all the filling foods. I am going to read it cover to cover...I am going to look at what is in my cupboard (and fridge) and then replace it with filling foods. I am going to weigh my food AND write down the CORRECT amount of points, not what I want it to be!
I am going to do this! I hate the disappointment...the absolute F'n feeling I get when I see that raised weight number.
I HATE knowing I am obese.
Slap slap slap...and many more slaps across the face. Not for putting on weight. But for cheating myself. There is no need for it!
F'n Idiot!
Sorry for those who do not like colourful language...I normally don't like it and I don't normally use them in my blog...but this time...I really needed to get it out there. It is aimed directly at the voice in my head that has told me to cheat, allowed me to cheat. That voice...F'n ME! ME ME ME!
IDIOT!
Be happier tomorrow I am sure!
I did this the other day! I really wanted an icecream for dessert but only had 0.5 points left, so what did I do.... tracked it as 0.5! WHYYYYYYYYYYY???
ReplyDeleteLet's make a pact.... NO CHEATING!!! I'm going to weigh and measure everything and then TRACK IT HONESTLY : )
Have a great week!
Oh dear - the things we do to justify our food choices!
ReplyDeleteNow you KNOW that long term, this just won't cut it!
As you said, you MUST learn now how to maintain your weight loss once you get to goal!
I would suggest that you go through your frig and pantry and CHUCK OUT, yes, CHUCK OUT those problem snacks!
I say to myself, OK, it's a waste of money, maybe $20 at the most but if someone said to me, give me $20 and I'll give you a good weight-loss this week, I'd be more than willing to pay up!
Be good to you this week and promise to track HONESTLY! You owe it to yourself!
OK, I'll now remove my boot from your backside as I'm sure you're beaten yourself up enough already!
KEEP AT IT - you can do it!! I believe in you and just know that the scales will smile at you next week!
All the best! Gae oxoxo
Weird. You and Alby and I have all hit milestones, been really excited, then gained and gone back beyond our milestones. Why do we do that?? Reaching a milestone like getting out of the obese range is fantastic, but some bloody cretin in our brains tells us we can relax now, but WE CAN'T!!!
ReplyDeleteSo, you've fessed up. We all know what you're up to. Best of all, YOU know what you're doing. Now get over it, and get back down to being merely overweight. And I will too...
Oh beat yourself up for being a human doing why don't you. :) That is meant to sound a little humourous rather than chastising you lol.
ReplyDeleteYou know what stood out in that post? Firstly it was that you are not very kind to yourself, and secondly that all that faffing about smacks of not accepting that this is a lifestyle thing, and within that, the thing about feeling hard done by and 'why can't I' and 'why shouldn't I' and that you can balance a indulgence day with an good day. Sure you can, if you want to stay where you are.
Perhaps I can hear it, because I understand it too well. But you know and I know that it doesn't work like that - darn it.
The consistency thing is really hard, but if we are thinking straight, and don't cloud our brains with indulgence days and cr*p thinking, we know that.
Hope your head clears soon.
Blue~
The no cheating rule is going good.
ReplyDeleteI tried a new technique by having a big lunch yesterday and a small dinner... It didn't work. I was starving by 8 and had a 3 point snack, so went over by 2 points.... But at least I tracked it : )