I'm such a bad blogger nowadays!

I am a terrible blogger at the moment! I am blogging once every 2-3weeks. I used to blog daily!
What happened?
The weight loss wasn't as rapid!
I didn't have anything to brag about!
And the bad stuff in my life wasn't so bad anymore, so not so much to whinge about.

So the good and bad evened out.

But it didn't.
The good stuff is far better then the bad stuff.
There isn't much bad, and lots of good. There is no evening out. It is just on its way up!

Good stuff of late:
I ran the Margaret River Fun Run yesterday. For those that don't know, Margaret River is down south of WA. It is a gorgeous country town in the middle of wine country, and a few farms are still there. It is surf land. 10km from the beach. It is a perfect place. Infact, my husband and I love it so much down there, we got married at a winery in Margaret River. So the run was from the town to the river mouth. It also meant a few hills, just for fun!
It was actually quite an easy run. As easy as a run can be. I completed it in 63minutes. I am wrapped. I wanted under 1hour 10mins.
Recovery afterwards was relatively simple, and i have woken up this morning fine. No soreness or tightness and all good!
This shows me I am FIT!

In one month we are going to Bali. I need a new pair of bathers. I would love a pair of bikinis. I have never worn a pair...for reasons we all know! I mentioned to my DH that I would love to one day own a pair and have the confidence to wear them in public. Last night, he said, "I think you should buy a bikini for Bali, you have the body for it!" Holy cow! I have the body for bikinis? Are you serious? I have those flabby bits in my inner thighs that I think YUCK. The bits that rub together, don't let the sunlight in!  The bit that chaffes and  causes those unsightly red marks.  Shorts are required to cover those flabby bits up! I also see loose skin on my belly. My boobs...oh my boobs. Always been massive. Now if I lean over I have the rocks in socks. Still have the size (a little smaller) but have the excess skin, thus the socks are actually tube socks! My boobs shouldn't be in little triangular pieces of cloth! They need support.
But you know what, I am going to go and try some on on Thursday night. DH will come and give comment. He is pretty honest with things like that. Even if I don't believe I have a bikini body, he does tell me if "my bum looks big in this" so I can trust him.
How exciting...going bikini shopping!
I am guessing my body is more toned then I actually see.

More good stuff...our house is on the market. having an auction the weekend before we go to Bali. It is exciting. It is stressful, and we have only just started the process, but we want to build...that is exciting! The house we want to build is just gorgeous! We have a block on a subject to sale offer. So now to sell!!! In the mean time, the house looks great!

Selling means giving up some stuff.  Netball. Too far to travel. Step Into Life, south Perth group, my training group. Yes I can go somewhere else. But I love my netball team, i love my trainers! and the people in it! I will try to work something out, but I dare say I will have to find a new team and change Step Into Life groups, and love both!

My work, I am loving at the moment. I normally love my work. I love teaching. I love my class. I go through phases where I am just over it. but at the moment I love it. I always hate the politics of teaching. I hate the administration side of teaching. I hate the other stuff. But I love my kids. My kids are GORGEOUS! I am not looking forward to the end of term as it means my 10 year 7s go to highschool, and i love my year 7s. The year 6s are gorgeous too, and I lose them too. :( One of my year 7s asked me if I could possibly teach EVERY day, not just my two days.  The reason being

"When I go home from school on Tuesdays and Wednesdays I always go home and talk to mum and dad about what I learnt. I always learn something on your days. I get something out of every lesson." 

Firstly, what kind of 12 year old talks like that? Secondly, is that not the BEST compliment a teacher can get? The teacher I have on the other days, is a lovely teacher, she is fun and friendly and the kids love her. So to actually get a compliment like that, WOW! And what a student! She cares about learning. She wants to learn! And what a family! They talk about learning!

Onto weight loss. I am currently at 79.3kg. Hopefully this will come down tonight at weigh in. I am steady at 79. I am close to goal. I am comfortable where I am at, but still determined to get to goal. I know what makes me put on weight. I know what makes me bloated. I know what my body needs/doesn't need and I know my body. I know that my body loves pasta when it is eating it, but I cannot have pasta on a daily basis because my body seems to want to reject it. And I listen to my body. I probably have pasta 2 or 3 times a week now. Before it would be 5 days a week. So yes, I have been at 79 for a while. But it is ok. I have learnt a lot about food, about my body and more importantly, I have learnt to listen to my body. It is the only I am ever gonna have so we need to work together!
I am also noticing that i am really toning up. One day I will think "Gee I have really bad nanna's hangers (tuck shop lady arms)" then a week later, I don't have so much hang! So that is all good too!  Slow weight loss, reduces the excess skin. It gives the skin time to adapt. Slow weight loss makes it easier to maintain. If you lose it fast, you can put it back on just as fast.
Slow and steady....truly does win the race!
The race that isn't a race that is! :)

A personal update

I haven't posted about my relationship for awhile. Most of you who have been following me for awhile, supporting me for awhile, know I have major issues with my DH. He is stingy, never talks to me, unsupportive, unemotional and any other "un" words would probably apply to him as well!

In recent times, we have had major improvements.

Firstly, he has finished studying so he has time for me and our DD. He has a lot of time for me. We actually do things together, and he wants too...he doesn't just do it to shut me up!

He also talks to me. We have real conversations. There are still somethings he will email me on, and i have told him that is something he should actually say to my face, not via email, and he acknowledges that I am right. We have things to talk about now too. He doesn't like to hear about my work, but he listens. He is eager to find out about my weight loss, now that I am so close to goal and he asks me how I went after weigh in. My last weigh in with the gain, he actually asked what I think I had done to deserve it. The one I just missed because I am a sook and didn't want 80 written on my card because I knew I had gained even more...DH went through the things I had done that week to put on weight....without being nasty.
He is actually paying attention.

He has on occassions told me how good I look, and physically he shows it too. He is attracted to me and wants me.

Support wise, he is actually going to join me for a fun run in Margaret River later this month...the 24th so just around the corner. He might not say he supports me, but this small action shows it is there.

Money....I feel still so controlled with the money. But even he has told me that I need to have access to our accounts online (i never had the passwords) because it is irresponsible that only ONE person has the control. Here I was thinking he wanted to control all ins and outs of money, and he did actually want me to be involved, but he didn't TALK! So now that he talks, we can resolve some stuff. He also said that he doesn't mind me spending money and he doesn't even mind what I spend my money, but I have to be aware of how much I am going through. Now please note, I do not spend a lot of money! But we have had birthdays/births/anniverary/royalshow etc to spend money on, and because I TAKE the money out, it is like I AM spending, when really it is for both of us. But he is right, I do need to know when the spending account is getting low. I do need to be involved in that side of things, and just to know that he isn't criticising my spending was good.

We are actually in a really good place. Not perfect. We will still need to work at our relationship, but I think all relationships need work. He does struggle with showing emotion and talking about his feelings, and it is something we will keep working at. But we are in a good place. We are not getting divorced. I don't want to get divorced anymore, and I am not leaving him.

in fact, we are in such a good place, we are looking at selling our house and building a brand new one. This has been great for us too, as we have been driving together looking at land, talking about it, going through display homes and liking and disliking the same things for the exact same reasons. We are quite passionate about the building process and our wants are exactly the same! We have even discussed, in the process of picking out our needs for the house and how many bedrooms, the likelihood of another child. Now I have always just wanted one. He wants two. He was really upset that I didn't want more (see what can come out of a conversation!). But now I am more open to having another child, but when DD is at school full time. So now we have talked about children, houses and it would take a year to build, a year to get settled and then in that time maybe try for another child, if all is still going well.

So huge changes in the relationship. I am happy in my relationship. I am in love with my husband again. And I know he loves me. I am still entitled to bitch about him whenever I feel like having a bitch though! But for now, we are happy and all is strong! :)

not quite an 80s girl

Well, I had a 900g GAIN! OUCH! Not quite into the 80s again though. 79.9kg. PHEW I stayed under!
That is one good thing!
The only real thing I can put it down to, is not eating my points due to illness. Well, if that is all it is, I know I will be in for a couple of good weeks (no weigh in next week due to public holiday!).

Onto other news.
Grand final for netball tonight.
We lost :( 25 to 9. Not even double figures.
We played like crap. But you know, we were made to play like crap. The other team played so well, they didn't let us into the game at all. They deserved to flog us!

Runner ups got an engraved wine glass, so that was cool.

But on a good note for the night. I got a REAL surprise!

I WON FAIREST AND BEST FOR THE SEASON!
19 votes! I was blown away! So I have my trophy all ready to take to school tomorrow. The kids always brag about their achievements...my turn now!

the other thing I did, one of our players asked me to take in some before shots, because she can't remember what I looked like big.
I took in 2009 school photos, 2010 school photos which were taken beginning of term 2.
the difference is amazing!
I only have one chin now. my cheeks are smaller, you can see my eyes more. Even from the second photo to now, I have a lot more bone structure around my collar bone.
And the thighs...2009 - legs met up just before my knees...that is when you could see a gap.
2010 - legs met up half way up leg.
Now - legs meet up right up the top, and I even have a small gap above that flabby bit.
And a huge difference in my waist and boobs. My boobs no longer cover my whole body. and I have shape!

I will try to scan some on. but will be awhile!

Now, to enjoy my trophy!! :)

a big gain coming up

well, after an ok week, I am heading for quite a big gain tomorrow at weigh in. I will be an 80s girl again.
Why?
I don't know.
All I can really put it down to is being sick and under eating. Monday night I was incredibly sick and vomiting during the night. Tuesday was dead tired and had a churning cramping stomach. Ate about 7 points for the day. Wednesday I think I ate 18 points. I am on 22 points.
thursday I was pretty much back to normal and did some exercise.
Friday, Sat and today I have gone over points, and I have also exercised. I have not gone over excessively, but I was trying to make up for Tuesday's lack of points.

My body didn't like it at all. It has pretty much been telling me for a while now that if I don't eat all my points, I can't save them. It doesn't like it.

So a big gain this week, 1kg plus.

Next week is a public holiday so no weigh in. I will have 2 weeks to get it off! I also have all my bonus exercise classes, and holidays next week.

I am planning on going to a class wed night, thursday night and my normal sat class, with the power flex (yoga) afterwards.
Then, the first week of holidays, the plan is to go to monday session, tues and wed morning sessions, Sat double class again. I might even do a tues or wed evening session as it is toning, whereas the morning is cardio.
the week after will be very similar.

Crossing fingers I can get rid of the big gain!

Netball grand final tomorrow night too. Will be a good game! We were equal 1st on the ladder, with the team we are playing tomorrow night. We have won twice and lost twice to them during the regular season. I think we won last time, but really can't remember. It will be tight! Hopefully I can pull off a winning performance again, the soreness on Tuesday will be worth every bit of it!!! :)

PHOTOS of the party!

Just thought I would add some photos from the party. Thank you to everyone for your comments on my last VERY LONG post! It truly is a wonderful feeling to be this happy. I know everyone will get to feel this way...we are a determined bunch on here! :)

Me, in purple, receiving my
"Look Who's A Hot Mama Now" award
From (L-R) trainers Mel, Cherie-Anne + Jason

A quick change swap and a VERY HAPPY Kylie to win a months free training!

The changers!!!

I am sure you can tell it was a great night, fun had by all of us! The guy in the black and white dress, is 65 years old, his daughter was there and was absolutely mortified (she is 17)  but he is the fittest guy for any age! He just goes for it in every session, a regular at kick boxing and flogs me in the running! Age has no barriers!

i went to a party!

I live a quiet life, generally. My DH doesn't like to be around people much, he is shy and quiet. so we don't go out to pubs and clubs a lot, ever! Normally it will be to a bbq, something small and intimate.

so my Step Into Life group had their 1 year anniversary. PARTY! Of course I am going! Asked DH if he wants to come, NOPE. So, great, I am going by myself!

So first worry: drinking. How will  I control myself around free beer/wine/sparkling?
Not a worry at all...I will drive!
Second worry...no second worry. I don't need to worry about a dress, formal: get dressy! I have my gorgeous dress, and I didn't need to worry what I looked like. I think I look good and that is all that really matters now!
So off I go to the party, on my own! And had a ball!

Normally, as the fat girl, I am the loud, funny one. I think I am funny, even if no one else does! But loud...everyone knows I am that. I am sure many of you will relate. If you are loud and funny, people are listening to you, not looking at your body. I am sure it doesn't work that way, but it is what I have always thought! And of course alcohol always helps!

I didn't know too many people there, yet talked to heaps! Learnt a lot about people.

I won an award...Look Who's a Hot Mama Now?!
I had to do a speech. I admitted, out loud, to strangers that I used to weigh over 100kg.
I admitted, and for the first time on here now, that when I fell pregnant, I was told I was too obese to go to a normal hospital, I HAD to go to the one specifically for pregnancy as I was at high risk. The hospital was brilliant, I wasn't high risk and had midwives, but lets face it, I was morbidly obese. I just didn't realise it at the time. I knew I was fat, but people my size can go to any hospital...it isn't like I was unable to walk! But alas, I was morbidly obese and the beds obviously wouldn't cater for my size.
To be called hot, even if tongue in cheek, felt amazing!
I got a round of applause. And some tears!
I felt great.
I had congrats left, right and centre! I was also this months "cover girl" for our magazine, so a lot of people commented on that and how "inspirational" I am.

I want to comment on that...am I really inspirational?
I mean how can someone be that inspirational? I SHOULD NEVER have been that big. If I was inspirational, I would have stopped myself getting to a BMI close to 40. Other people do it. why didn't I? After I was told I was morbidly obese, did it make me lose weight? NO! Instead I put more weight on! I was heavier when I started WW then I was at 9 months pregnant. That isn't inspirational. That is crazy! What did I need to make changes?
I am certainly proud of who I am, what I have achieved and how I feel. But to be inspirational to others? Especially to people who are "normal" as such?? No.

Back to the party. I also won a prize. 1 month of free training, as many times as I want.
The game to win...swap clothing with a member of the opposite sex who you aren't related to, or bf/gf with.
One of the guys grabbed me and said "we are winning this!"
Off we went to the hallway, stripped and changed (underwear left on!) ran back and WON! Now, I had absolutely no time to really think about what I was doing at the time. But it wasn't a private hallway. People ran past us to the toilets to get changed. For the first time in my life, i didn't think "Oh my god! I am fat and ugly, I have fat rolls, he must think I am so ugly, I won't fit into his clothes, How can I cover up? oooh, what if he sees that part of me?" all those things I would have thought. NONE of these hit my head at the time. What i did think was, "WOW, I can get my legs into his jeans...and oh wow, the zip and button are doing up! I fit into a thin man's jeans!"

Now, in hindsight, this could seem a little slutty...but I assure you in NOWAY was it! I don't have that in me! It was the fastest change I have ever done!
I am glad of a few things on Saturday night...
1. I wore matching underwear.
2. I wore nice, clean, no holes etc underwear! It wasn't Bridgette Jone's underwear!
3. I didn't care about my body. I was actually proud!
4. I had confidence in myself! No alcohol, no hiding behind any persona, I was me, I was confident, I was strong!
5. I won!

Now the matching underwear only came to mind because after the event, the guy said "I must say, you have very nice matching bra and knickers, they looked great!" OMG! Then I think I went a different shade of crimson. I didn't think there was time for a perve at all! But obviously, men can sneak one in anywhere, anytime! LOL. So I look good even without clothes on?! Could this be true? I look good without the clothes sucking in all the bits that still need to be worked off? Someone saw me semi naked and wanted to take a peak and liked what they saw? That was me he was talking about? Are you serious?!
He then spent all night talking to me! So does that mean he hit on me? He got me drinks all night...water of course, respected that I was drinking water too! He has also asked me to join him running. Has given me the days he runs and would love to run "an easy 5k" with me!
I will also say that he is married with 4.5 children! So I am sure he wasn't hitting on me, but hey, it is a nice feeling to have been flirted with! Alas, I have no idea how to flirt!

I also, I think, had another man try to hit on me. He rubbed my arm as he congratulated me on my loss, and said I was certainly a hot mama. He even asked me what day I train, because he would love to train with me and be in my class. I am not used to this kind of attention, so I don't know if that is a come on or not?! It isn't something you would say in every day conversation surely?!

While I am not into returning the flirts/perves etc...I must say, when it happens, you walk away a bit "WOW", maybe a little big headed, certainly flattered and probably thinking you must look really hot!

When I got home, at a very decent time of 11pm, I told my husband that I got this award, won this prize (didn't ask how I won, didn't tell him) and that I was told I was gorgeous and hot...someone even said smart (hmmm, a blonde and smart...someone really is taking the mickey!) and he didn't say anything. So I said "it would be nice if my husband could maybe one day say that about me, not every day, but every now and then, especially when I make an effort"...he actually made a lovely reply..."You do look hot, you look great, awesome, the change is amazing!"
will it take another IN YOUR FACE comment to get a compliment like that again? We will see!

so now, I am all psyched. Not only  have others made me feel a little like Elle McPherson, but I have a month of extra training, just when I am ONLY 2.5kg away from goal. I am making the most of this, I want to get there, I want to get there, I want to get there!

Back to a really long post, sorry, but for those of you who are still reading...I hope, that you can see that weight loss isn't just about weighing a certain number. It is about the way you feel about yourself. I cannot remember feeling this happy. I walked into that party feeling confident and beautiful. I walked out feeling confident, beautiful and sexy. What woman doesn't want to feel that way? I am truly happy. I am truly able to say that I love who I am. I am not scared, I am not hiding behind a mask, I am not faking happiness. You can't fake this feeling. This feeling just takes over you. It is sooo worth it!
What a wonderful feeling!

a new decade

VERY proud to announce that with a 1.1kg loss, I am now at 79.5kg, making me a 70s girl! whoop whoop! :)

I pulled out a skirt yesterday. I purchased it when I was 19 or 20 from a clothing party. they didn't have the size to try on, so i guessed i would be a 14. I wasn't. I have kept it all this time, hoping one day I could wear this gorgeous size 14 skirt. At that time it was THE most expensive clothing item I had purchased. So I didn't want to throw it out.

Yesterday, the tags came off.
I wore it to work.
It looked great!
i believe, when I kept looking at myself in the mirror, I looked sexy!
It showed off my figure, my flat stomach, my legs...I couldn't get enough! LOL

WOW! I am looking and feeling great!

2.5kg to goal!
Bring it! :)