Where has it gone?

Oh dear....Miss, I am so dedicated, work hard, track daily, train daily, always do 12000steps daily blah blah blah...
is finding it incredibly hard to get back into it!
I was only off for 5 days...and it has gone...whatever "it" is. Is it motivation? I am still motivated to lose weight. I am still motivated to exercise.I am still motivated to work hard. I am still motivated to be the dedicated determined inspirational hardworking person I was 1 1/2 weeks ago...but I just need a little longer to do it all and get back into it!!!!

I am tracking. but I can't keep my points where they should be. coming home on Monday night and having to work on Tuesday, meant we had NO fresh food. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I would find it hard. I didn't have time to plan and basically had nothing to plan with anyway! Having to use my spare time to organise work and not food or even eat...I found myself starving like the old days, therefore pigging out just before a high points dinner because husband had to get food (he didn't work the lucky thing) and he knows nothing about points! So day 1 I was 4 points over. then day 2, pretty much the same thing. No time to eat, pigged out just before dinner, and again over in points, only by 1...but hey, I haven't exercised so not good. Today is day 3. Finally a day off. But still no food this morning. Had fruit bread and shocked to see 3.5 points per piece! OMG!!! And 1 piece is never going to fill me up. So 7.5 points just for breakfast (including WW spread)!!!

So NOW I have gone shopping. First time I have been able to so I shouldn't blame myself, but annoyed that I couldn't do it earlier. DH had 2 days off...got lots of biscuits for him...but food as such, too hard basket I guess!

Maybe now we have some fruit and vegetables, I will know that what I am putting into my body is good and I want to continue to do good stuff for my body and do some exercise. It is just so hard! And I don't know why! I have kick boxing in 2 days, and I just feel like I am totally going to die doing it!
Tonight I will plan ahead what we will be doing for food. And I have decent food to work with now!
But even lunch...all I wanted to do was eat, because my breakfast wasn't the best, and I had nothing from 8.30 to 1...so ate lots of little bits. Another day for being over in points. I will try my best to limit that, but it is unlikely...after all, I do have to eat!

Lets hope after dinner I will have some motivation to go and do some running. Do week 4 session 2 (did it on monday in bali and really enjoyed it). See how much harder it is to do outdoors, but in a better heat situation! Once I get back into the routine and habit, I know it will just be part of my life again...but I have to get there first!

So for now...just to have discover why I have this mental block. Must get out of this rut. Thankfully I am recognising it now...and not 2 weeks later and 5kg heavier! Maybe it is time to retake photos and really see the difference...see what I have achieved so far. Or put the ipod I want for my 20kg reward on Lay-by...so it is all set up for me to get. I get my 15kg dress on Monday, so maybe even that will do it...see how lovely it looks and how sexy I feel! Oh something has to work! But it certainly wasn't putting my jeans on today...they are way too big for me! I cannot believe that they look like this on me, and the crutch just keeps falling down to my knees (well almost) and I am constantly hitching them up. I just feel annoyed that I spent money on clothes that don't fit! See it is gone! Before I was wrapped that these clothes don't fit! Now annoyance! I even put on a pair of pants for work, pants I hadn't worn since 2000 and even then they were tight...and they are loose! I have no pants for work! Annoyance! I should be so excited! I should be smiling ear to ear! But instead...I just feel so deflated...
come on "IT"...come back to me!

Just had a thought...maybe it is because I haven't been weighed so I have NO idea if I have gained or lost or stayed the same....I only ever weigh once a week at WW WI. So maybe, it is missing that and just having no idea. and I am a NEED TO KNOW person. Oh now I want to get weighed!

GRRRR